Books I recommend
These are the books I find myself recommending again and again. Some of them clients have brought to me; some I've handed over so many times I've lost count. None of them replace therapy, and you don't have to read any of them to work with me. But if you like having something to hold onto between sessions, start here.
A book is a wonderful thing and it is not a person. If you're in the thick of it, the reading can wait — reach out instead.
Trying, pregnant, postpartum
Baby Making for Everybody: Family Building and Fertility for LGBTQ+ and Solo Parents by Marea Goodman and Ray Rachlin
If the standard fertility books have made you feel like an afterthought, this one starts where you actually are.
Bumpin': Navigating the Wild, Weird, and Wonderful Journey from Conception to Birth and Beyond by Leslie Schrock
For the person who wants the actual evidence, not the folklore. Warm about it, too — it never makes you feel dumb for asking.
Birth Vibes: Stories and Strategies for an Empowered Birth by Jen Hamilton
A labor and delivery nurse who has seen thousands of births, telling you what actually happens in the room. Funny, honest, and calming in the way only someone who's been there can be.
Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom Is Wrong--and What You Really Need to Know by Emily Oster
If you're someone who feels more settled with information than with instructions, start here. I don't agree with every conclusion, but the approach is valuable.
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts by Karen Kleiman, illustrated by Molly McIntyre
The one I reach for when someone says "I can't tell you what I've been thinking." You can. It's more normal than you know. The cartoons help more than you'd expect.
Rattled: How to Calm New Mom Anxiety with the Power of the Postpartum Brain by Nicole Pensak, PhD
For the mother who feels like a stranger to herself and assumes that's a problem. It makes a good case that it's the brain doing exactly what it's supposed to.
Partnership
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert by John M. Gottman, PhD
For couples who keep having the same fight and can't figure out why. The answer is usually smaller and more ordinary than either person thinks. Written about marriage, but the ideas travel.
Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel
On why the closeness that makes a relationship safe can be the same thing that flattens desire — and what to do with that.
Raising them
No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
For the parent who keeps losing it during meltdowns and hates themselves afterward. It gives you something to actually do in the moment. (You may want to read Siegel and Bryson's The Whole-Brain Child as a starting point.)
How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 by Joanna Faber and Julie King
For the standoffs that have no reasonable solution — the car seat, the teeth, the shoes. It gives you actual scripts, which is more than most parenting books manage.
Good Inside by Dr Becky Kennedy
For the parent who's tried the reward charts and the time-outs and found that none of it touched what was actually going on.
Grief, loss & coping
The Miscarriage Map: What To Expect When You Are No Longer Expecting by Dr. Sunita Osborn
A psychologist who has been through it, writing about the losses no one prepares you for. Honest about the anger and the unfairness, not just the sadness.
The Worst Girl Gang Ever: A Survival Guide for Navigating Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss by Bex Gunn and Laura Buckingham
For the specific loneliness of loss — the sense that you've joined a club nobody told you existed and nobody talks about.
It’s OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine
For anyone who's been made to feel their grief is taking too long. It isn't, and this book will not ask you to feel better. The section for supporters is worth handing to the people around you.
The Comfort Book by Matt Haig
Short fragments rather than chapters — useful when your concentration is gone and you can't hold a whole argument in your head.
When you’re the one holding everything
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski
For anyone who rests and somehow doesn't feel any better. The missing piece is that dealing with your stressors isn't the same as dealing with the stress.
The Conscious Caregiver: A Mindful Approach to Caring for Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself by Linda Abbit
On caring for an aging parent without disappearing into it — the practical decisions and the guilt that comes with all of them.
Already Toast: Caregiving and Burnout in America by Kate Washington
On what it costs to hold a seriously ill person's life together, and why so little support exists for the people doing it. Unsparing, and best read when you're ready for that.
Your own mind, your own history
Unf#ck Your Brain: Using Science to Get Over Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Freak-Outs, and Triggers by Dr. Faith G. Harper
A blunt, funny, swear-heavy explanation of why your brain does the things it does. If clinical language has never landed for you, this might.
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now by Meg Jay
If you're twenty-something and quietly panicking that you're behind, this one is both a reassurance and a nudge.
Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence by Dr. Anna Lembke
A psychiatrist on why chasing pleasure so reliably produces pain, and what actually restores the balance. The case stories are memorable and occasionally intense.
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
For when the problem isn't wanting to change, it's that every plan you've made requires more willpower than any human has on a Tuesday.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay Gibson
For anyone who grew up managing a parent's feelings instead of having their own attended to. Naming it is the first relief.